EXPECTATIONS

(also, a section from the book that will be in press soon, your Brigita)

When you think about it, people have expectations from everything and everyone around them, but most of all of themselves and those they love... On the other hand, there are the expectations others have of us. It all starts with what your parents expect from you, then with what you expect of yourself, then with what you expect of others and what others expect of you. An entire vicious circle that has no positive purpose in life. Because a person has three choices, to live fulfilling one’s own expectations, to live fulfilling other people’s expectations, or to live without giving any due to expectations, but listening to one’s self and needs. Only the final choice brings happiness and satisfaction. 

Because, no matter how much you try to please others, you’ll never succeed. There will always be someone who is disappointed because he envisioned something differently, in your life. Which is insane. A human is an independent, unique creature, every one, and each of us has his own path in life. No matter how much similar circumstances in which we find ourselves are, each will do, feel and think about it differently. Neither a parent, a child, or a partner have a greater part in our life and deciding then ourselves, nor do we have in theirs. A person only wants to fulfill someone's expectations because of love and desire for approval.  On the other hand, if he has expectations of others and his happiness is dependent on their fulfillment, he is again in a position of  dependance on others. To love doesn’t mean to not expect. To live doesn’t mean to not listen to others, but giving someone the power to make decisions for you, or that your mood is dependent on their actions is unhealthy. Expectations won’t disappear because of this article but I believe it will help some people to think about it and to realize some connections, and to find the courage to live their lives by their own power and most of all with love and kindness to themselves and others, and also to realize that independence isn’t loneliness or alienation and isn’t a reason for losing someone’s affection and support. That can happen of course if we are talking about people who think they have more rights then you in your life and who love to control everything including things in your life but that shouldn’t concern you. They are only doing it because they love you and are acting protective of you. But, let’s get back to expectations. So, great expectations always bring great disappointments.

You have to keep your life in your own hands and you have to be ready for some things in your life. You have to learn that others have their opinion and you have to tolerate it no matter how opposite it is to yours, and also inspite your love for some people, you have to listen to yourself and follow your own path. Love must be above that. It mustn’t be conditioned with obedience nor with fulfillment of your or other people’s wishes. You have to take responsibility for your own happiness, and also accept that others have to do the same for them. To love someone means literally to love someone. Not to condition, not to push, not to control. What love for others looks like is the same as what love for you looks like. You have to be fair and honest to yourself also. Expecting this and that is completely useless. It only places the power outside you. If you want something, do it for yourself. If you want something from others, ask for it loud and clear. If something is bothering you, you have the right to say so. Others have the same right towards to you. Most important thing in discarding unhealthy expectations and even more unhealthy pressure they create is throwing away all of the other people’s wishes and dreams projected onto you. Remember, everyone has their own life and the possibility to use that gift as they wish from the moment they realize that. And your life is a gift to you, for you to do what YOU WISH, and you don’t give away your life to anyone to prove you love them. What’s most important in your life is your opinion, your feelings and your dreams. You have to cast aside imposed expectations, and live your life to the fullest!