(I thought about sharing with you this section from my other book, I like to say humoristic spiced with a little irony, or a little later and decided to give a bit of the atmosphere from the book on the persuasion of those who had opportunity to sneak a peak into it ...and here...
I hope you will like it! Kisses to all and enjoy! ...your Brigita)
I hope you will like it! Kisses to all and enjoy! ...your Brigita)
If you are 30 + and maybe less, you are married or in a relationship with a guy from the
Balkans (even a most casual one), then you belong to a group of women I’ll be writing about and which is a part of a population affected by the syndrome called “Balkan mother in law”...
no matter how much they try to avoid, neglect, often... it's mission impossible... like it or not it will "eat you for breakfast" and once that happens, you stay "infected" forever (you can see the doctor in me writing, but one way or another... any way you look at it... that's how it is in the Balkans...)
Let's get started...oooo...this topic is so wide and big and encompassing that we could talk about it for days and days, and generations of generations...
The Balkans are a rather lively geographical area of the Earth, that besides of it's natural beauties and riches has also one interesting social structure, order and customs... Riches in the full meaning of the word. Nature is beautiful, gorgeous, largely still intact... and people are temperamental, "their own", you could say... special. In a good way. Buuut... In every good story there is a BUT. That but gives it charm and specialness.
This but could refer to a few memorable characteristics of people on this ground, phenomenons in behaviour, way of life, but one thing... one thing "can be seen from a plane". It's a well known Balkan phenomenon passed down from generation to generation and as such is an important part of the dowry that is carefully nurtured and inherited through the generations...and it is called MOTHER IN LAW. Not just anyone or any type... but a BALKAN MOTHEER IN LAW. Oooooh yeah! Just the mention of the word, "raises the hair on the heads... and sends shiwers through the bodies" of many women and men, and they will try forgetting ever hearing it as soon as possible, and suppressing all of the emotions that overwhelmed them, not just one emotion but a volcano of emotions... or they will immediately start cursing at her with all their might (cursing, for those less informed, means swearing or in other words mentioning from the bottom of your heart to the person in question all of her ancestors especially the one that gave birth to her and her literal "place" of birth. And then, only imagination knows where will one's "language" or vocabulary take them. That's how it goes in the Balkans. But we'll talk about the richness of vocabulary and valuable oral heritage some other time...)
Mother in law in the Balkans is not only your husband's mother. It's also the mother of your boyfriend, lover, partner ("mixes into everything") and not just that... Balkan mother in law is much more then that. It's a giant. A national giant. A national mark. It's something that can not be described with words. It's a phenomenon that spans the entire society through all of it's layers and defines it in a large part. Once people might think that this phenomenon shaped families throughout generations and formed it's members into being how and what they are, just because of that.
Let's begin...
Here, in that Balkans, when you marry your loved one, you also marry his family and most of all his mother. Here mothers of men determine the destiny of their sons entirely even today. A mother of a son is a special institution of a large number of countries in the Balkans. That institution might not be defined and protected by law but it doesn't need that. It defines and sustains itself. And it also defines that country, the official one, where it is situated. Successfully. Nooo, we are not talking about mothers as mothers. We are talking about a grown man's mother, her full strentgh and role in his life, and the moment of transformation into that mighty "monster", pardon, mighty creature, and that happens immediately after her son becomes material for a first crush, girlfriend. Yeeees, first. Serious marriage material? That is completely irrelevant. Meaning, first, literally. Maybe just the little girl he liked in kindergarten. As soon as a girl exhibits signs of liking her son, even then in the mother comes to life her alter ego... alter ego called "mother in law". And it's no longer the same woman. It doesn't matter how much she passed through the same ordeal with her own mother in law, she forgets all that and a powerful dominant gene is activated in her that has until then lived almost as in a cocoon, and when stimulated it transforms her into a butterfly. A mother in law.
And nothing is the same any more. Not blessed. Not carefree. From that moment on everything has a different, deeper meaning. From that moment every relationship that boy aka man has (depending on when did the special mother's antennae sense the vibrations of liking towards her baby boy) with any female can no longer go undetected and undirected by The Great Mother. And The Great Mother has a special mission on this Earth. To explain, clarify, teach and guide her son on how, where and with whom to go through life. Why and how. The Great Mother is in fact his guide that will enoble this society.
In the eyes of The Great Mother, in her eyes all girls are not the same. She knows which one is good for her son and which one isn't, and why. Her mission is to pass on the grains of her wisdom onto her son so his life, meaning her life, and this world would be better. She, in fact, through her son's relationships, improwes her own life, finds it's meaning, and the pinnacle of that meaning she reaches when he marries the one she considers good for her, pardon, him.
What are tthe criteria for choosing? Well, that depends on the mother, but they all have one thing in common - she has to be good, quiet and passive, or loud, merry and happy - but one thing is most important... that in under no circumstances she has a greater influence on her son then the mother does. If the mother doesn't have the last word in that relationship and if the son in moments of crisis favours her over his mother... that's the alarm for going on the attack. The worst kind humanity can imagine. Alarm sounding for a battle to the end.
No matter how, but the mission is clear. Getting the person in question out of her son's life! All means are allowed. In that fight, everything is allowed. Why? Because she gave birth to him. And in not so few cases through a painful and hard delivery, and that's why he owes his life to her. "Because, if it were not for her and her sacrifice, he would not be here." In that fight there are hits bellow the belt with all available means, physical and emotional. All available methods are used.
Mother is capable of becoming ill, and she can even die if it is necessary, to prove that that whore is not for him (after all, every girl is called such at some point, let's face it, to her all except herself are whores, because she came into marriage a virgin or maybe her husband was her second) and if her son listens to her and convinces himself at the end of her arduous life strugle, that she was right, and she is always right and that will be shown sooner or later... she will heal, return to life... Because the truth came out and her son "opened his eyes". He saw his mothers words at the horizon of his life...
...so much for now... the book will be titled "Balkan mothers in law" and you will know all the details also here on my blog.
Kisses to all, your Brigita
