When a man loves

(Section from my upcoming book, Your Brigita)



  Let’s understand each other, I don’t have five lives and am not completely sure if next one exists, I will spend it with her. I’m not sure I’ll be lucky enough too meet her twice. So I’m telling you people, I don’t have time for your stupid advice on ‘how to have her and not be good to her’. I’m giving her this life to the end, to my bones. And deeper, and more. Because I love her!
I’m good to her, because I love her.
I please her, because I want her to be happy.
I think only of her, because she makes me happy.

I would never weigh her down, I would put the wind in her sails, and at the same time watch her back.
I don’t want her to die cause of me-I want her to live cause of me! Every day of her life.

Yes, I’m jealous. I’m jealous because I want her only for myself and that is why I love her stronger and better then any before me, because I don’t want anyone to be better then me. To her.
I have heard all of you who are saying-’don’t show her you care, don’t let her be the only one’. I have heard you all. But what is all of that good to me, when I have everything in her? She is my everything. I don’t need others.
I also heard your-’don’t be whipped’. But it’s my choice to be hers. To the end. It’s my decision to serve her if needed. Because I love her.
If I’m whipped cause I’m pleasing the one I love and if I’m whipped cause I want to fulfill all of her desires-so be it! I say with pride-I AM THEN THE BIGGEST AND HAPPIEST WHIPPED MAN IN THIS WORLD!
And no matter what you advise me, and no matter what you want to teach me-thank you in advance but don’t bother. Because I will teach you something-when you find the one, if you are as lucky as I am, for whom you want to live better, next to whom you want to sleep with every night and wake up with every morning...if you every find the one that makes your heart skip a beat, the one that is the breath of life to you-then, and only then, you will understand me. Till then, enjoy everything that is fleeting. Because my life for her is not. Because this love I have makes me the happiest man in this world. This love has raised me from the dead.
I was once like you. But I’m not any more. Cause of her. Now I am alive. Now I’m breathing and feeling my heart beating and I know and feel it is happy because of Her.
Believe me, no matter what I’m like in your eyes, that’s unimportant to me. I see myself only in hers.
And believe me, she has the most beautiful eyes in the world. Eyes I want to disappear into, eyes I want to live in.
Maybe I’m crazy, but because of love, cause of her love I’d rather be crazy then empty and alone, with a thousand hands clapping to me that don’t mean anything to me, absolutely nothing compared to her smile.
I’m hers forever. Both servant and guardian.
No, I don’t need a woman to be her master. I have found her. And in her I have become everything I could have dreamt for myself!
Believe me, love...love is craziness you want to last. Craziness that makes me ‘walk on clouds’. With her. I am tired of walking through mud. Too tired. And nothing has ever made me feel the way I’m feeling now because of Her. And this feeling, this world of ours, I’m not giving for anything on this world!
So you can judge me and pass judgment.
If I die, I won’t be sorry BECAUSE I HAVE LIVED ENOUGH WITH JUST ONE DAY WITH HER, A HUNDRED OF YOUR LIVES WORTH...AND IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH FOR ME! That is what I’m fighting for. That is what I’m living for.
I accept that she leaves if she finds more happiness, but I’ll do everything every day to be the biggest happiness in her life and that she never desires to leave. It’s my honor to be called Hers. It’s the only honor I need in life. Not your approval, not your clapping. I don’t need any of that. Nothing! Only Her. Her and her look, her touch, her voice...All of her.
...I know, I’m asking a lot from life wanting to be the only one to be lucky enough to be Hers. But I hope I will earn that with my love for Her. Because I love her and I want Her to be her own and complete because of my love. The happiest girl in the world.
My love.

A small step for mankind, but a large step for us!

Is mother’s approval of son’s love choices a condition for his successful marriage with his partner and how much his mother’s disapproval affects the frequency of such son’s abuse of his spouse, a topic I’m working on with my team of colleagues doctors-psychiatrists-therapists-nurses (including other professionals in fields important to this topic).


This is ‘just one segment’ of my book that I’m nearing completion, but rather important for analyzing marriages in our part of the world what you have shown yourselves with your interest in expanding this topic further, and I thank you all my wonderful ladies and my dear gentlemen!
The research we are planning, it is about a certain sample (number of people) and includes gathering and examination of data that are important indicator of what we are studying. Of course, I’ll inform you of everything later.
The purpose of this research is to support the image of our society and marital relations with the experiences of us all because only that gives true insight into it.
This topic accuses no one. In fact it includes all of us.
And I would like that it shows or proves our progress (change) as a society in the segment of marital (partner) relations compared to those same relations in the past, and the improvement (I sincerely hope) of the position of women in our society.

Thank You all for your participation, your good will. You are wonderful! I will soon start a page dedicated especially to this topic and when the entire team is gathered and the necessary paperwork is acquired I’ll share all the news with You.


...love to all, Your Brigita!

It is not your fault!

(Section from my upcoming book)

It is not your fault if you were taught wrong. You are responsible if you stick to it and behave in that manner. Don’t be offended because of it. On the contrary! Snap out of it and in spite to yourself, become better then that!

Love is the origin of everything. Good deeds come out of love.
A lack of love is the origin of all problems.
You can’t save children from everything negative around us, they’ll know how to save themselves and act appropriately.
Love is not naivety.
Love isn’t devoid of intelligence. On the contrary-love and intelligence go hand in hand! But keep in mind what intelligence is!
Love is the foundation for healthy decisions in grown up age.
Love is the best decision! To live in love is the smartest move you can make for yourself!
But keep in mind what love is.



Kisses to all Your Brigita!

'Isolation from everybody as proof that you love your partner and are faithful to him'

(From my upcoming book, kisses to all, Your Brigita)



Many of you have asked me and I have heard it often-what constitutes abuse? It’s as if women don’t believe themselves that they are victims. As if they are afraid they will be guilty if they say that and it’s as if they don’t have the right to protest, if someone hasn’t broken their ribs.

Let’s make it simple. For example, if a person at work is sued and found guilty for ‘grabbing a colleagues ass’ or talking to her in an inappropriate manner, and that same colleague had nightmares because of it and it all led to her being less productive, then I don’t have to explain to you further if it is abuse if someone calls you names day to day, makes you feel unworthy, doesn’t listen to what you are telling him (and we are not talking about speaking of some movie you saw, even though that is also a sign of disrespect), if he calls you stupid, crazy, a whore, if he blames You for his bad behavior towards you, if he blames you for his problems in life, if he threatens you, pulls your arms, hair, grabs your neck, beats you...need I go on?

There are several types of abuse, but they are usually divided into two groups:
1.psychological
2.physical

Women who are abused by their partner are also often convinced by that same partner that
"what he is doing to her isn’t really abuse because for instance ‘if he had hit her like real abusers’ she would have died".
They are convinced that "it’s their fault for making him ‘snap’ and that nothing would have happened if she hadn’t have started the fight in the first place".
And not just that, but that she is completely at fault for his such behavior and that in fact SHE IS ABUSING HIM!!!"
Abusers very skilfully manipulate both their partners and the description of the situation that is happening.
They "NEVER, BUT NEVER, START THINGS FIRST. NEVER, BUT NEVER, ARE AT FAULT BY THEMSELVES, AND NEVER, BUT NEVER, WOULD HAVE DONE WHAT THEY HAVE IF YOU HAD NOT PROVOKED THEM WITH SOMETHING.

AND NEVER, REALLY NEVER, THE PROBLEM IS NOT WITH THEM, BUT WITH YOU."

A person that abuses, very often has in advance a developed story about himself as a victim.
And as easily as he manipulates the person he abuses, he also tries to manipulate with everyone else who find out about it. .
However, what happens more often is that the abuser, well in advance of people finding out from his partner that he (the husband) is abusing her, prepares the territory for her words.
Much earlier does he make her into a guilty person in his surroundings. ‘Intolerable, stupid, unfaithful, overspending woman who is a problem.'
He protects himself in advance.
And always, really almost always, he watches his behavior towards other women. Towards other women he is always, but always, nice, even too much, leaving an impression that he is the best man in the world, better even then their partners, that he is a ‘perfect shoulder to cry on’, best friend, cultural, eloquent, with a great smile and light flirt, but he would never publicly and without a reason given to him by his wife (and that is being harsh, neglecting or cheating him) be with another woman.
However, at home...at home he is nothing of what he is outside. It’s not a rule that he is never good at home but he is good under his own terms and reasons under which he becomes bad to his partner.
...

This topic is very wide and for starts I’ll stick to something that is often at the root of abusing. And that is jealousy. No, not the ‘normal’, let’s call it ‘healthy jealousy’. No. That has nothing to do with it. It is pathological jealousy and pathological possessiveness that are at the beginning of a relationship rolled into supposedly too big, too strong and sincere love. And that jealousy always, but always leads to drifting apart and isolation of the partner from everyone and everything in her life. Believe me I have heard stories of a jealous partner telling to his partner, (and let’s understand each other, he was leading a normal life), that her coffees with her friends and her going out of the house are not ‘justified’ like his.

That partner has completely subjugated his partner financially (made her dependent of his money), for him to say at the end that all his social contacts, conversations, socializing, traveling with everyone and most of all persons of the opposite sex, exclusively for work purposes ‘necessary for feeding them’. It was important for him to mention that he doesn’t enjoy that, but is sacrificing himself for a higher goal, and that is ‘to afford them everything’ (I will not mention that from that ‘everything’ almost nothing was left for her). And along with that he accused her of inappropriate behavior and for not appreciating his ‘sacrifice’ because she, without work as a reason for communicating with someone, still talks with and sees other people and is not loyal and faithful to him as he is to her!!!
She was expected to spend all of the time he was at work alone, and that until she gets a job for herself, and at the same time he wasn’t allowing her to work, she practically doesn’t have the right to see or hear anybody. Please! How far can someone’s ‘insanity’ go! And not just that.

In that same story, he literally left her all alone in everyday life and everything that was going on, telling her that he was tired after work, spent for any type of conversation and when she spoke against that and wished for normal communication, attention, affection, fights happened going so far that he would ‘beat her a little’, but for him that was not called real abuse and he told her that it was her fault because he would never have hit her if he didn’t have a reason for that and if she hadn’t have started the fight first and brought out the worst from him!!! ...
Everything happens doesn’t it? But there it is.
In any case, abusers always tend to as we have said, distance and isolate their partners from everybody, shatter their self esteem and in translation, do with them what they want.
For this segment of abuse we should remember that we all have equal rights to life.
A partner doesn’t have the right to do to you what you don’t want.
You have to have your own life besides the partner.
Even if you are in a position that you have secluded and alienated yourself from everyone and everything, precisely then you have to return people into your life. It doesn’t matter if they are old or new friends, the point is that you need to have your own friends and your own circle of friends.
It is not healthy for you, to be confined to only and only one person in the world, even if it is someone you love very much, and least of all if it is someone who abuses you.
Seek help, support and security outside that relationship.
Seek professional help. Contact proper institutions. Go to a safe house. Move ten thousand miles away if you have to, but leave healthy and alive and let him solve his own problems.
No, it is not normal for someone to teach you and force upon you principles of a life dependent to him.
No, it is not normal that you think that the only contact you are allowed to have with people, are a consequence of your job. In the name of God! That is not healthy!
What is healthy is to socialize, go out, take care of yourself, love and be loved in a freedom of choice and doing what you choose. It is healthy to live your life nicely! That is your right.
That sort of a partner who abuses needs help, professional help. Remember that. And you need to think about yourself.
And let’s immediately understand each other, this is not a female opinion. This is an opinion of myself and those dearest to me, all of the good people around me, my wonderful male and female friends, colleagues, acquaintances. That is a general culture of the 21st century!

Kisses to all, Your B.