nedjelja, 31. siječnja 2016.

Is a marriage doomed by no good “clothes for home” or “behaviour for home' ?

(Section from my new column, Your Brigita)


How often have you heard that people blame the lack of passion in a marriage on “clothes for home”? 

However, when “behaviour fro home” equals “clothes for home” that is when marital problems begin.
A marriage can survive no good clothes, but worst human qualities in the same quantities - NO.


"To be able to be what a person is" in a marriage, is by no means exclusive exposure of one’s worst qualities to the partner.
A marriage isn’t a place where a person can let loose one’s inner “jerk” to rule. In fact, it’s a place where that should never, never be allowed.
...It’s just that some people were taught wrong and they end up paying that lesson expensively - with that marriage.

ponedjeljak, 25. siječnja 2016.

Lassie is coming home



Should you cheat? “No. If he is good. Yes, if he is bad to you.” Or?
Yes, it is easy to end a relationship, it’s easier to say, well listen, you should talk, try to solve the problem...that is all great but there are situations when words no longer help and you are where you are. In front of a wall.
Situations when someone ignores your value, your words, plays with your patience and manipulates it.
There are moments when you are where you are and can not quickly end it and leave.
There are moments when you can no longer reach someone with words.
There are moments when you can no longer suffer cold, bad behaviour and go over and over through lessons on how to reach him so he would be better to you. There are moments when it is simply enough.
And those are the moments when a woman cheats. She just slips into someone’s arms, under someone’s smile and allows someone to make her a woman again. Those are the miments when a woman returns her power in a relationship, and even more important in her life.
In many cases, when a woman cheats she breaks up..
There is no “Lassie is coming home”, women usually do not return after cheating. Not to him. Because usually that cheating opens their eyes they have closed suffering the bad.
Men...well men are more often “Lassie”. When they realize that they have to romance, conquer and pay all over again if it is not worth the effort...after a while they return to their wives. Not all, but most of them.
Women do not. When a woman cheats, she does it in defiance. Defiance born out of pain. And because she wanted it. And she new precisely she would do it. Actually, she also warned him.She begged him for months to change. She asked him to be better. She tirelessly repeated the same. And at the end,when she realized nothing would change on his side she decided to make a change. They all tell the same story.
And she probably felt guilty. And she felt bad. But that smile under her lips she couldn’t hide form herself. It gave her away. Gave away that she was finally her own. Someone else brought her back to life. Someone else made her feel beautiful again. Someone else brought back a smile to her face that she lost with the first one. Someone else reminded her of life and she started to live. After better sex and after a better friend in the new one, she doesn’t return to the old. Even if she returns...she becomes a bitch. She might cheaat on you with the closest friend, colleague...anyone you don’t like... A woman that consciously cheats...consciously chooses...and she chooses to hurt you. The way you are neglecting her.
Yes, there are those who don’t say anything and remain living with their husbands feeling guilty all of their lives. Yes, there are those. But, there are more of those who are reborn with the other man and are themselves again. Their old selves. And a woman that doesn’t like herself next to the man she is with is a woman he has nearly lost...
Women like to be special. They like being treated well. They like knowing they are loved. They like to feel support and friendship. Women like sex...each in her own way and her own measure but women like sex...sex from love...women like to love and be loved.
Women want different things from men but one thing is in common to all. Respect. When she doesn’t have respect where she is, sooner or later she will accept it outside of that relationship. Because a woman needs it. Love and respect.
And when she gets that from another man at the right time then she is ready to return home. Maybe they are “Lassie” after all but they are returning to themselves. Maybe they don’t remain with the one they cheated with but they leave. They go from worse to better. They return to themselves. And when they return themselves they can do anything. To love and be loved again.
Women cheat, yes. But women also love. They love to the maximum. They suffer even more. Why? Who would know...but they suffer.
You only need to know how to love them. And that is not all that difficult...just listen to her and be with her. Be her friend above all else. And never neglect gentleness...never neglect attention...never neglect surprises. And don’t neglect sex. It’s important to her also...never neglect what is important to her. Above all never neglect her. And never become deaf to her voice and her words. Because she will allow someone who enjoys her voice and who enjoys listening to her...that which you have started taking for granted. No matter how long you are in a relationship or marriage, 10, 30, 50 years...never neglect her. She also sees other men...believe me. Ooooh yes. She sees their groin and their shoulders... Be good to your darling.
It doesn’t matter how long you will be together, what matters is that that time is nicely filled. But never, never think...she won’t leave...she can not do that, or she doesn’t have where to go. You might be surprised if you heard how many times she might already have been leaving... Women lie “the best”, you know that. You know how the other one is keeping your secret? Well, maybe your woman is also the other one to someone else. You can not know. You can believe. As she can believe you.
And if they are not lying, they are perfect in not telling when they want to. And you know how much it hurts when you hear...I have cheated on you.
Women cheat, yes. Sometimes out of stupidity. Sometimes out of pain. But never without a reason.
 
Kisses to all, Your Brigita!

Were women really (and are they) more jealous then men?

 (From my upcoming book)

We were sitting with company that included an elderly couple and “grandpa” started to talk: “...was my wife jealous, she was always like that. I couldn’t handle her. For every woman I worked with I had to convince her I had nothing to do with that woman. If a woman called me my wife would immediately question me who that was. The worst thing was when a woman I was dating, showed up at our door, actually it was worse when one’s husband rang our doorbell. I ran out through the window! ...My wife is a living she-devil...”-he continued his story...

In fact, “grandpa” isn’t bad. I love listening to him. He and “grandma” are a living wonder. The way they are telling their stories is to pass out from laughing. And I can understand “grandpa”, it isn’t easy when your wife doesn’t allow you to have a girlfriend (and a husband a boyfriend)!

He says - Man, how she stormed that one out of the house...
And she says-If I had only caught her, I would have pulled her hair out!
And they hold hands and laugh about it together.

 This time we won’t be talking about jealousy in relationships, or the one in puberty, or the one that is a serious problem and we call it an illness.
This time we’ll be talking about jealousy in marriage and that in a situation when spouses were (or are) in different financial positions compared to each other and we’ll try to figure out why people say that women in such marriages were (or are) more jealous then men.
When a man publicly brags about his wife being jealous...it almost always turns out that he is making her such and is giving her reason to be. And almost always that is not “real” jealousy that he would want it to be, but he is making it seem like that (because jealousy is SUPPOSED to be a sign of him being valuable and desirable not just to her, but to other women also).
And when you look at such characters, you will always wonder “why is she jealous of him?!”
You will understand they are not real men, are not charmers, are not lovers but plain men who “finally have a woman” and are making themselves seem important.
And now, why has it come to that that women are more jealous and are they really? The answer seems couldn’t be more logical.

When you look upon lives of women and lives of men throughout history it is very clear that their roles were always different and usually always of superiority-inferiority, seldom of equality.

WOMEN WERE ALWAYS FINANCIALLY DEPENDENT, FIRST TO THEIR FAHERS, THEN TO THEIR HUSBANDS, THEY JUST CHANGED ONE DEPENDENT-INFERIOR ROLE FOR ANOTHER. AND MEN ALWAYS HAD JOBS AND MONEY. AND WITH IT POWER.

Women could almost never even say let alone do something without men and have support for that from their families and surroundings. Men were those who were listened to and “taken seriously”.

Even today you will hear women that “change” partners or cheat on their husbands, being called whores and automatically being called out as a mother, with a rhetoric “what will her children say tomorrow what kind of mother they had?”

Perfection was always expected from women. In everything. Most of all in obedience, loyalty, fidelity and motherhood, of course.
Those much older generations of men will say that it was their success to have a jealous wife. As if that made them “more valuable”. And at the same time, many were cheating on their wives and without concealing it.

YOU CAN NOT BUT WONDER

- WAS THAT WOMAN WHO BORE HIM CHILDREN (not necessarily but that was the general rule)
AND BY THE WAY COULD NOT RETURN TO HER ORIGINAL FAMILY (because it would have been a disgrace to her parents, and children she would have brought from that marriage would have been called derogatory names and forever marked with shame),
REALLY JEALOUS (AND JUST SO MUCH)?

A woman that was materially dependent on that husband and one that would in the case of leaving him either lose her child (because how will she provide for that child, and even if she could have he was allowed to take the child with him after the divorce if he so chose) or they were both subjected to public shame, in my opinion was hardly “infatuated” with his sexual organ and love making abilities and a worry that some other woman DOESN’T STEAL PRECISELLY THAT. She was burdened by much greater concerns.
Men in those times were of course aware of what we are writing about, and especially of the position of women in society, and many were consciously taking advantage of that, and not just that they were not condemned for such behaviour but they were given praise and a higher status in their society because of that. “Imagine, having a faithful wife at home, even beautiful and handsome one, and cheating on her with some “filthy (or not) women in sleazy bars” (without meaning to offend anyone!) and she has to consciously suffer that and not say no...that was success!”

No one felt “sorry” for the woman. Even worse, because the goal isn’t pity but equality, no one gave her the right to leave and change her life, actually even she didn’t give that right to herself! Rare were those with support and understanding to make such a move. And support and understanding were crucial for that. Even their mothers told them that was the way it had to be (because they themselves were taught that and lived their lives the same).

Just, what has that to do with jealousy?!
When one is superior in a relationship, and that power often has to do with money, then that person often abuses that because in this case to “him” it is not enough that his wife loves him but it gives him satisfaction that she make jealous scenes, that she drives away his mistresses from their doors and tries to commit suicide if he leaves her because imagine... She loves him sooooo much and he is worth soooo much.

“-It’s not that she loved you so much and it’s not that she didn’t want to replace you and it’s not that she didn’t wish to leave you...but maybe she wasn’t able to.
She had to fight for the roof over her head, to have something to eat.
She fought that her child wouldn’t be called a bastard (that expression makes me sick) and for that child to have a mother and a father.
She stayed and fought for her place in your life because she didn’t have any other!
Not that she didn’t want to have it...there were better men then you!
And maybe she cheated on you but you would never, never have found that out and never will (remember she is as much a woman as are those you cheated on her with), but she knew she had to fight like a lioness to drive others away because where would she go if you replaced her, that was her home.
And you have consciously, in stead of giving her a sense of security and peace, fed her with insecurities and fear that something like that could happen. And how then is her fight and her fear jealousy (and even if it was wasn’t she right to doubt you?) or a reflection of her love for you?! How?!

THAT IS NOT JEALOUSY, THAT IS A FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL AND REMAINING.

That is not jealousy...that is not love...that is called surviving.
You might have cheated and might have been successful in it and you might have humiliated her and made her look like a fool...but that doesn’t make you a great man, doesn’t make you a “big shot”.
You are not a good lover for it, and least of all are you a good husband!
And it is defeating, but she wasn’t fighting for you...unfortunately for you she wasn’t really fighting for you, she was fighting for herself. For herself and her home even at the cost of her reputation and you making her jealous and cheating on her.

That exists even today. Times have changed but not enough and not everywhere, that we might say that human point of view has changed completely for the better.
Even today you will hear from those “more primitively raised and arranged families” that a father is teaching his son not to be “whipped” and that he has to have “something on the side.”
Even today you will hear that men’s cheating is approved and women are still only whores when they do the same.
Even today you will hear that someone is on purpose using a better position in life compared to his partner so he can brag about her jealousy and in that hide that maybe “she has no choice but to be with him” (although choice exists but...)

However, a good thing in it all is that women no longer take notice of it. And they allow themselves into such positions, such humiliations and such manipulations, much less often. Actually, today they are rather “schooled” to be prostitutes then choosing to be wives in bad marriages.

Today they are waving their breasts and asses on cover pages and with it defying times and primitivism (I am talking exclusively of those who do it consciously and who stand behind that as their own choice, and not as a reflection of their low self-esteem and low self-awareness or a tool of manipulation, substitute for knowledge or something similar), and at the same time “bragging” of how good mothers they are.

Today women without shame wait on tables and they know that they again have to be (or don’t have to) undressed and filthy to get tips but they don’t care any more.

Today, above all else, female children are raised with different moral values in different social circumstances then once before. They are raised the same as men with an attitude that suffering bad is not good and it is not a desired form of behaviour, and that women also have the right to be financially and materially secured in every way and that they have the right to their jobs, careers and (good) earnings. They are raised knowing that being mothers is worthy of praise but is by no means a reason for being judged more strictly in marriage or for them to be expected to be perfect in all aspects of their lives. And children are in no way a reason for remaining with a bad marital partner (and/or the father of those children). And it isn’t necessary for a partner to be bad to end a marriage.

Today women can more and more remain or not with the one who cheats on them. Today women more and more have a choice to leave such a partner.

FINALLY, EVEN TODAY WOMEN WILL BE JUDGED BY MANY WHEN THEY LEAVE BAD HUSBANDS OR THEY STEP OUT OF BAD MARRIAGES, BUT THEY STILL LEAVE AND NO MATTER HOW THEY SURVIVE, THEY DO SURVIVE.

Today pillars of shame have been in extreme cases replaced by magazines that ridicule those who are primitive, those who are hypocrites and those who abuse under any excuse.

Today all sorts of things are allowed but we are moving toward just that not being allowed, abuse and mistreatment of anyone, even a person in a financially or in any other way inferior position in a romantic (marital) relationship.

Oooh yes, there are still many false moralists out there. Unfortunately, more often women who judge and call, how else but by the “classical derogatory word, aka whore” those who dared to leave bad relationships, most often precisely because they had the courage to change their lives unlike them.

Luckily, TODAY THERE ARE MORE AND MORE GOOD MEN WHO ARE NOT ASHAMED TO BE WHO THEY ARE, are not afraid to show that and are not afraid to confront primitive surroundings and primitive expectations of them. And in many cases those men are children of parents who were in such, bad marriages.

Today there are many people who look at life in a different way then their mothers, fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers, when it comes to suffering... Those who have, I will say it, a more correct moral ladder.

Yes, today there are also many of those unhappy with the new order of things, those who sit in groups and comment “where has the world gone?”... - I think there where you brought it with too much hypocrisy, too much inequality, too many bans and to many enforcements. To freedom.

  But let’s get back to our topic... When next time you hear someone BRAGGING about his wife being jealous, and is not sitting with her like the grandpa form the beginning of our story (that is also a topic for discussion but on some other time), and are not laughing together HONESTLY at it, think again about what inferiority compared to him that woman he is talking about has found herself in. Material, emotional, physical? And almost always know that is not jealousy, they are not big shots.

Big shots are those cool characters that live their lives by their own rules and next to them their woman walks “full of herself”, happy, well dressed, with a smile on her face.
If someone is cheating on someone there is irrelevant for this whole story because the point is that they in their relationships and marriages give the best from themselves to their partners (as she is to him) and that marriage and joint life are a conscious choice with which they are making themselves and their partners happy and not just a fulfilment of social norm and security upon which they are building another life detrimental to the person they are with.

And not just that, this type of jealousy we were “talking” about isn’t really jealousy and even less a compliment to the one bragging about it. Simply - that is only and only using a better position one is in compared to his partner for mistreatment of the other. Nothing more and nothing less.
That isn’t a sign of how much someone is worth but of how bad his actions are for abusing someone’s weakness to raise their own value, unfortunately on a completely wrong thesis and theory.


*Jealousy in any relationship or marriage isn’t a reflection on the other partner’s high value, but a reflection of great insecurity in any form, of the partner who is jealous, in something in it’s life.*

Love and kiss each other! Your Brigita

petak, 22. siječnja 2016.



MASHA & VICTOR


(Something completely different, Your Brigita)



CHAPTER I

-Is that it? - she asked with a slightly tired but still brave voice.

-Yes, you are now officially divorced.

She raised the handle of her pink travel bag and headed to the airport. It was lightly raining and wind was messing her hair but she didn’t care. She usually would have but now she only wanted one thing - to leave. In her high heals she walked down the street. Taxi! - she yelled.
-Where to?
-Main airport, please.


 -Miss, do you want something to drink?-a stewardesses voice startled her. Hm, I need to get used to this “miss”... -No, thank you - she replied and continued to watch through the plane window and dream a little. There was nothing to see but clouds but she wasn’t really there. In her thoughts she was far away...
-Oh, my God, only yesterday we had plans...I’ve wasted so much time..it’s how it is, snap out of it, you mustn’t think about that now...it will be better-she comforted herself...


-Mister Victor, will you be here for much longer? I should head home, it’s running late and my kids are waiting...

-Oh, Rosa, you are still here? Of course, you just go, I’ll turn of the lights and lock up.
Looking through the files he stayed up all night. He didn’t really want to go back to the apartment knowing She was no longer there.
-I can sleep at the office...it’s all the same...he thought and with a whiskey stayed in his papers while his thoughts were somewhere away.
 
                                                                   * * *

...Do you see where you are going?! - she yelled visibly annoyed - You could have knocked me down.
-I’m sorry, please, I didn’t see you, are you all right?
-Well, if you looked where you are going you could see!
-I’m sorry, really. Can I make it up to you with a drink?
...Hm...if he didn’t have such pretty eyes and that smile...-she thought...
-A drink? And I’m to leave my papers on the floor?
-Hahahaha, of course not, I’ll pick them up, sorry once more...Do you usually get upset like this?
She couldn’t not laugh...yeeees-she answered.
-I like that, I like people with attitude, I’m sorry, you’re coming out of student offices? I haven’t seen you around.
-Aha...
-You are studying here?
-And you would like to know everything at once!-she laughed.
-Of course-he couldn’t hide a wide smile.
...

True smile



*A true smile is seen in the eyes and the mouth follow it, not the other way around.*

Unfortunately, a smile can not feed and water hungry and thirsty mouths but it can a soul.
A smile might not be enough to survive, but it is a reason enough for someone to live.
There for...smile for a thousand good reasons for you and don’t forget one among them - maybe your smile wakes someone in the morning without you even knowing it.
Kisses, Your Brigita!

We are not shaped by other people’s action but our reactions to them




Not a single bad relationship, not even a partnership, was bad for you because someone had power over you (I’m not talking literally) but because that situation in your life was fertile ground for suffering and tolerating such behaviour.
We are still not, as people, in an ideal position to be able to immediately walk out of anything that doesn’t suite us.
We are still in a position to be suffering because of different situations. Whether or not they are just excuses, it is a fact. However, no one is powerful enough to be able to change you for the worse if you don’t allow it.
Too bad only for the time wasted on resisting, someone or something (not because of resisting but because that is wasting yourself in the start on wrong people and things).
That is why I like to say - No one made me a hero or a lioness with their bad behaviour. I’m like that by my nature.
We are not shaped by other people’s action but our reactions to them.



utorak, 12. siječnja 2016.

OK, I accept that people can not change just like that but they can learn to act differently.
If it weren't so...they'd be eating soup with their hands, right?

ponedjeljak, 11. siječnja 2016.

There is a part of us that can’t belong to everyone



There is a part of us that can’t belong to everyone. It is that part of people 
that opens only to some. Those who have the key to our heart. And it 
doesn’t matter whether you know them for a long or a short time... 
because you soul recognises them at once. There are ‘parts of us that are 
simply not destined for everyone’. Sometime they remain unavailable 
for years even though there is someone with us and then... In one meeting, 
with just a single glance or word... that part opens... and a person becomes 
happy again. Happy and complete... 

For the same thing, some will love you, others won’t


For the same thing, some will love you, others won’t. 
If you are guided by desire to be liked by everyone, you can not be happy. 
So, be your own and pleased with yourself. Who ever joins you, great, who moves on...believe me, also great.
Follow your own path

...Your B.

A grain of wisdom:  If you want to see the beauty in something, you have to look at it with 
an ‘empty’ head, pure heart, open eyes and mind.
It’s the same with love. If you want to feel, you have to cast aside all injuries, prejudices that 
came out of them... be ‘innocent’. You have to open your heart. 
...Your Brigita 

A problem with many marriages is not just that people don’t tolerate each other but also in 
that marriages are used more often as a stop over while waiting for a new partner. 
Once marriages were destinations and now they are more often just a stop over.

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!

(A section from my upcoming book, Your Brigita) 



Who convinced you that you are not good enough? Who convinced you that nothing you do is any good? Who convinced you that your dreams don't matter? Who convinced you that you are not worthy of the most beautiful things in life? Who? Who had that right? Who possesses the power to define you, to put you down and destroy you? To who do you believe more then to yourself? Who have you listened more then to yourself?

Do you think that someone knows better then you for you yourself?

Do you think that someone feels you more then you do yourself?

Do you think that someone else has been gifted your life besides you, and that they are

living two lives in stead of one, theirs and yours? Do you think you owe it to someone, your life?

Who do you love more then yourself that you are destroying yourself for that person?

You know that is not love, don't you? You know that is not the condition for or a proof of love, don't you?

Do you know that love means freedom? Love is not conditions. Love is not punishments.

Love is not blackmails. Love is not suffering.

Love is joy.
Love is elation.
Love is peace in unrest. Light in darkness. Hope in sorrow.
Love is your right to find out who you are and be that. Love is to know that. Love is also for others to know that for themselves.
Love is help and support.
Love is loving a person for who they truly are and not for what anyone thinks they should be.
Love is discovering the best in yourself and others. Love is supporting that.

Love is acceptance of others no matter how different they are from our ideas for them.

And not just that, love is accepting yourself. Yourself that only you know. Yourself that is not fulfilling other people's expectations. Yourself who"is not good enough for someone".

Yourself who is "too good for someone". Yourself who is good to yourself and starts with love.
Love for yourself and those close to you.

Changing your world doesn't mean changing everything. It means changing yourself and the world around you. Making yourself and it better and more beautiful. Everything else is taken care of by Someone higher then You. Someone who created You also. No matter what you believe in you are created from love and for love.

The world might be strict, cruel, might be "bad to you", might be neglecting you, might not understand you. But don't You be like that to yourself. Yes, You. You are responsible for yourself and your happiness. And no, it is not your fault if someone thinks you are supposed to fulfill a thousand conditions for them to love you. That is their problem, not yours. Yours is to love yourself and your life. And theirs is to love themselves and their life.

You are responsible for what you create yourself.

And as you would love and do love what is most important to you in this world, so you should love yourself. No, that is not selfishness. That is a condition for survival in this world in which it seems that no one loves anyone. And even if everyone would love everyone else, it still would be worth anything if you do not love yourself.

And in order to love yourself you have to accept yourself.

You have to have understanding for yourself.

You have to forgive yourself.

You have to comfort yourself.

You have to raise yourself.

And you have to believe in yourself. And in something more then yourself. In love.

Remember that.

Because, You are good enough!

srijeda, 6. siječnja 2016.

Legend says...

(From my upcoming book, Your Brigita)  

  Once it was a compliment for women to hear that they are beautiful, and not just a compliment but a 
sufficient compliment. A woman liked to hear about her beauty, attractiveness, gentleness, passion, on how 
he can not live without her, her lips, her body and gentle voice, and a man liked to hear how she feels safe next 
to him, how she loves his strong muscles and that he got into a fight for her....all until one moment...when a 
woman rose up and yelled-
I AM NOT JUST A DOLL BOY, I HAVE A BRAIN! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HAVE ME WHENEVER 
YOU WANT AND THAT YOU CAN USE ME JUST FOR SEX AND YOU STILL THINK YOU WILL GET IT 
EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE TURNING YOUR HEAD AWAY WHILE I AM TELLING YOU THIS! AND THE 
MAN SAID, IF THAT IS THE CASE FORGET ABOUT MY MUSCLES AND THAT PASTA! I ALSO 
WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL AND GROOMED. WHERE IS THAT CREAM FOR FACE AND FOR HANDS?! 
I HAVE CHOPPED WOOD LONG ENOUGH, I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MY HANDS. At that moment 
everything changed! An entire new history began. A new epoch. 
And nothing was the same any more. People say, the myth goes, that there are still a few men wondering
around the world for women who are still only dolls. For those obedient. For those gentle. For those who
give away their bodies without asking for anything in return and speak only what he wants to hear. 
Legend says that they have been seen somewhere but are slowly being lost because they are too tired 
from searching. 
Legend also talks about there being some women who are still searching for strong, macho men who 
bang their fists on tables.  
Legend says. But reality doesn't trust it and doesn't fulfil it's desire. That man and that woman no longer 
see each other even in legends. Noo, noo...

ponedjeljak, 4. siječnja 2016.

My wishes for You and some beautiful new things for the start of the New year



My dears, I wish You a happy and successful 2016 and everything else that goes...health, luck, love, money! You can expect a lot of new and beautiful things I have prepared for You.

To begin with, now you are all connected from here to my official facebook page, plus something I have promised you last year and that is that from now on YOU CAN FOLLOW ALL OF THE TOPICS I WRITE ABOUT IN DEDICATED BLOGS MADE SPECIALLY FOR THEM!

Some of you have already beaten me to the punch and have sent me feedback on them before I had the chance to write this to you. And the feedback is great what makes me very happy. Thank you my dears!

- And for those of You this will be the first information let’s get started.

**Intelligence and Love is my blog I am very proud of and it mostly contains wisdoms I write in short, easy to remember, but rich phrases that have already found their way to You who like them very much, both here and abroad, especially in USA, Australia and France (I’ve promised to send my greetings to all of you so here, one more beautiful promise fulfilled!)

**LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL is a blog dedicated to positive affirmations, meditations and all of the articles there are there to encourage, cheer and raise You when you are feeling down or make You happier. It’s my psychotherapeutical moment to You who like such topics, me too. Most articles I publish have had their audience for a long time and I am happy it is becoming larger and that love and positive vibrations are spreading, and that every article is uplifting, raises self confidence, self belief and good mood.

And, now something many of You have been impatiently waiting for, that will cheer many of the fans of my book announced for this year and that is:

**Balkanske svekrve, Brigita Colic This blog already has it’s fans and readers through the official facebook page of the same title and so everyone can now have a place where they can read especially those articles, I have created this blog precisely for You who love our mothers in law and the entire provocative story about them. The blog will often be enriched with new excerpts from the book... I know you will enjoy it as much as I am while writing it.

Of course there are also the two older blogs

**Kad se duše u očima prepoznaju with a well know thematic and You my dear and wonderful fans, and a version in English

**When souls recognise each other in the eyes

Many of You who are form English speaking areas have asked me to write my posts in English so from now on you can read the blogs

**Intelligence and Love and ** LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL bilingually.

Soon they will also be in German and Italian but slowly...I’ll keep you posted...

Kisses to all and I am very glad for all my readers and for already fulfilling some of our wishes at the start of this New Year 2016!

There will be many more new and beautiful things but for now while you are waiting for the book with positive thoughts and affirmations and a book with a provocative title and an just as much interesting thematic, Balkan Mothers in Law, you can enjoy this.

I love you all very, very much and once more wish you all the best in this year!

With love, Your Brigita

subota, 2. siječnja 2016.

Homosexual and heterosexual marriages

(From my upcoming book, Your Brigita)


Marriage.
Times have changed and not only have they changed but they are changing a lot.  ALL OF THE OLD POSTULATES OF RELATIONSHIPS, ESPECIALLY THOSE THE SOCIETY AND FAMILY HAVE BEEN BASED ON FOR CENTURIES, ARE ALMOST DISAPPEARING.
The only question is if that which is disappearing was truly good or it was something based solely on the need to maintain the image and structure of society?
I am still surprised at just how much people are still struggling with the notion of homosexuality. And am not thinking about homosexuals but heterosexuals. Things have simply changed. But it seams as though some people think that with their denial and non acknowledgement of homosexuals they can return things to what they were before people had the freedom to publicly state what they like and be with those of the sex they are attracted to. Funny isn't it? 
*IT'S LIKE WATCHING SOMEONE COVERING THEIR EYES SO THEY DON'T HAVE TO WATCH A SCENE IN A MOVIE THAT THEY DON'T LIKE, THAT FRIGHTENS OR EMBARRASSES THEM, AND THEN WHEN THE SCENE IS OVER CONTINUE TO WATCH THE MOVIE.*

A lot of people view homosexuality and the changes in society brought upon it by public acknowledgement of it in just such a way, covering their eyes with their hands and hoping it will pass. But it won't. Because it's not fashion. It has always been a part of society, it's nature. 
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEN AND NOW IS IN THE FREEDOM OF EXPRESION AND OPEN LIVING OF ONE'S  SEXUALITY AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION.
Maybe all won't agree, but whether they do or don't, it is like that.

Some would say that they do not want to talk about it because it's non of their business. But it is all of our business!
Maybe not because of ourselves but certainly because of those coming after us. Our children. The future. Homosexuality is as much a sexuality as heterosexuality is.  

It's the truth that the “appearance” of , or better said, social permission for homosexual partnerships to be made and lived freely,  is changing the learned, accepted and common form and image of families.
The appearance of families is changing.
What is probably being changed first is parenting, it's roles, and primarily in a way that children no longer come only from the husband and wife but other people are also involved, of the opposite sex then the homosexual partners, needed to conceive the baby. So we have families with more genetically involved persons then just two parents, where maybe one is “excluded” and a person not necessarily a part of that marriage is included.
And what else is changing? That the child might be adopted, or maybe born by a surrogate mother or a 
donor father and raised by homosexual partners? 
Raised by a mom and dad who are the same sex? And maybe the terms mother and father will no longer be linked with particular sexes...maybe going so far as to completely erase those expressions as bases for family and parenting?
And what else?
What else is changing?
What else is bothering someone so much that they would prefer that scene not to exist, to go away? 
The fact that in stead of two women, at least, kissing in some porn film, now there are two men, at least
or not, and it's not in a porn film or in the purpose for which porns are made, but it's now   new foundation of family, shoulder to shoulder with heterosexual partners making up a marriage?
Why someone thinks that a scene with two women having sex is truly more normal then a scene with two men?
Are things like that more acceptable only if they are in porns and are used only by heterosexuals or in fact homosexuals who are afraid to acknowledge their sexual orientation and live under a mask of a typical, accepted marriage, so they could still remain a part of a privileged role in society, for their sexual gratification? 
And who was the first to come up with the idea of a homosexual scene in porns? A homosexual who considers himself "healthy" and heterosexual if he likes watching two women kissing and caressing or two 
men doing the same, and has a partner of the opposite sex, or a homosexual? Who's idea was that really?

A marriage in our environment firstly means and includes monogamy, meaning one partner.  
If people are insisting on interpreting and respecting church rules, why is breaking one of those, a Commandment, referring to legal monogamy, meaning being faithful to that one partner, a lesser sin that is more easily forgiven, or more allowed in those same circles, then homosexuality
Why is it more important to preserve a marriage even if it may not even be, in that case, a picture of what a marriage should be if commandments and rules are respected, then to respect a marriage that truly is what it's supposed to be? 
Why is it more acceptable for a believer to have a classical marriage and with it cheat on his/her spouse and not enjoy that marriage at all, and his/her spouse also, and in the same time like group sex maybe only in porns, what ever, and allow him/her self to get aroused by homosexual scenes of actors in that porn, and that homosexuality is allowed or forgiven to him/her as a believer, but a honest desire by one person towards another of the same sex is not?  
It's not even necessary that they re monogamous, but about people as people, better or worse, in some shape of their behavior, character..., because let's not forget, NO MATTER THE SEXUAL ORIENTATION, FAITHFULNESS AND RESPECT FOR THE INSTITUTION AND DESIRE FOR THE SAME KNOWN AS MARRIAGE, ISN'T ABOUT SEXUAL ORIENTATION, IT'S ABOUT WHO PEOPLE ARE AS PERSONS AND WHAT THEIR VALUES AND OPINIONS ARE AND WHAT THEY ASPIRE THEM TO BE in their lives. 
So, what if it's two people of the same sex who have in them implanted or developed longing for monogamy and marriage, what then? Should that marriage be less respected then the one with heterosexual partners? "Should it be allowed at all", as has been debated about around the world?  
Or is it only a privilege for heterosexual persons even though they might not understand or support it's true meaning and purpose? 
Should people be and is it allowed for them to be discriminated in their human rights based on their sexual or any other orientation?! And for what?!
A marriage as a marriage is a wonderful thing.
Problem with marriage is that it is forced and dictated as a social norm that must be fulfilled in order 
for a person to be accomplished or accepted or respected human being. 
Even though in the very essence of marriage lays love, only a few have called upon love when marriage was trying to be preserved. And almost everything was used to convince people that marriage "must be" in their lives.
A society logically must have it's form, but please, WHAT HAS FORCING PEOPLE TO ARRANGED MARRIAGES for instance, HAS TO DO WITH MARRIAGE AS A SYMBOL AND ACT OF TRUE LOVE AND DESIRE FOR BELONGING TO ONE ONOTHER AND A CONCIOUS WISH FOR IT TO LAST AND ENDURE FOR THE REMAINDER OF THEIR LIVES, UNTILL OLD AGE FOR BOTH OF THEM?! 
Is it possible that it is better to be in a marriage where people do not love each other, do not respect each other, do not respect the vows they made to themselves and to God, and are still married, then to be in a marriage or a partnership because they truly love each other and have a common goal in life 
and with that marriage, and stand behind their choice because of love for instance?  
IS IT POSSIBLE THAT MARRIAGE IS SACRED ABOVE A PERSON?
IS IT POSSIBLE THAT MARRIAGE AS AN INSTITUTION IS MORE VALUABLE THEN A PERSON 
AS A HUMAN BEING?
IS IT POSSIBLE THAT LOVE DOESN'T HAVE TO HAVE THE MOST IMPORTANT OR IN FACT ANY ROLE IN MARRIAGE?
"Of course it is". 
But considering that "of course" none of us found out about today, it is also "of course" that there is resistance to that, that formation, that set of values, rules and respect for the same.  

Of course there is struggle and revolt in people who honestly appreciate marriage and what it stands
for compared to everything that according to them it does not stand for but is being forced or unallowed. 

We are constantly repeating that nothing should be more important then a person but it seems that to many people it's more important what sets people apart in their orientations then appreciating people for
what is in their cores.  
The meaning of every true faith (and we will not mix faith with organized religion but we will say both faith and religion!) is LOVE. 
Every human yearns for love because "out of love they come, love they live, and to love they go". 

The foundation of every marriage should be just that, love. But not love for desire to fit into society, climb up social steps, though everyone is entitled to that, and for wanting to notch up marriage as something accomplished in life, the foundation should be love, mutual love, love of one person for the other who they are marrying with.  
We are not talking about fashionable marriages, that is irrelevant now!
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT MARRIANGE CREATED, LIVED AND RESPECTED THROUGH 
CONCIOUS CHOICE. 
And now, each religion and culture has it's own vision of whether a marriage constitutes only of a man and a woman or also by two persons of the same sex who love each other. 
To begin with it should be most important to return love into marriage that is to be respected, and then it would be only natural to understand and accept that love transcends sexual differences and similarities between partners and that it is a part of everything that lives, every human and that no one among us can not 
and should not try to change anyone's nature when in it's core is love. 
You may or may not like someone's love or sexual choices, that is the right of every person. 
But it would be sad to live your lives with your hands over your eyes and not see it for what it really is and accept it, and living it freely as you wish, and respecting others to live as they wish.  
Yours is to create your own love stories, your sexual stories, because that is what makes you truly happy
or unhappy. Believe me. 
FRUSTRATIONS “BECAUSE” AND DISAPROVAL OF SOMEONE'S HETEROSEXUAL OR HOMOSEXUAL ORIENTATION IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT A REASON FOR YOUR SATISFACTION OR
DISSATISFACTION. Trust me! It's just you sticking your nose where it doesn't belong instead of where it
does belong, in your life! This applies to all of us.

That every grown person has the right to watch, and I guess film, homosexual porn, they do, but the right to determine in what and when they will "use", live, homosexuality, that is something that no one has although everybody thinks that they have. The same goes for heterosexuality. 
It is every person's individual choice, not homo or hetero sexuality, but one's own sexuality as a personal choice.

Also, I think that nobody, and I mean nobody, has the quality or the grandeur to try to, not impose, all sorts of things are being imposed, each has a choice, but to determine truly what is more valuable, better, primal, honest, moral, Godly. Non of us! 
The essence is love. And love doesn't judge. 

OK, people may believe they are right, they have the right to "I like it" or "I don't like it" attitudes, but it's not nice to hate. Not because we are walking saints but if people are so selfish then they should know that in doing so they are destroying their own lives and wasting their own time that could have been used for something good in their own lives. 

When I said that "that scene" is all of our business because no matter our own sexual orientation after us
will come our children and grandchildren, I meant that you should remove your hands from your eyes as
soon as possible and accept the reality for what it is, sooner you accept it and accept the fact you are a part of it, sooner you will be able to help the generations coming after yours (what ever you think of as your own generation) to grow into good people as much as you affect that.  
To be their support and to accept and understand them as much as you possibly can. 
Covering your eyes won't make the reality go away because that reality isn't some random scene on a movie screen, it is reality and it is not happening on screen but around you, in your lives.  
Everyone has the right to live one's own choices. You. Others. But no matter your own sexual orientation, you have to know you on your own do not make up the world, others make it up also. Respect your own and other people's choices. 

I CAN'T ORDER YOU NOT TO JUDGE, BUT DON'T. HOMOSEXUALITY ISN'T A TREND, IT'S NOT FASHION. IT'S PEOPLE WHO ARE LOVINGLY AND SEXUALY INCLINED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX AS THEIR OWN AND THEY ARE NO MORE AND NO LESS DIFFERENT THEN ALL OF US OF HETEROSEXUAL ORIENTATION... 

MAYBE TOMORROW YOUR OWN CHILD WILL TELL YOU IT IS GAY AND THAT TOMORROW MIGHT BE TODAY, AND YOU ARE ALREADY MAKING A CHOICE WHETHER THAT WILL BE NORMAL TO YOU, OR AT LEAST IF YOU WILL ACT WITH LOVE, KINDNESS AND HONESTY OR YOU WILL DENY 
YOUR OWN CHILD AND IT'S LIFE, AND LIVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR EYES, OR GOD FORBID SOMETHING WORSE... 
Because intentionally skipping a scene in a movie is nothing compared to intentionally skipping your entire life for not liking someone's choice! 
...Kiss and love each other!

Kisses to all, Your Brigita!